The Love-Hate Syndrome

It unsettles you, it de stabilises you, your brain runs at an increased activity rate, its a deep, enduring, intense emotion expressing animosity, because it is believed to be long-lasting, many psychologists consider it to be more of an attitude or disposition than a temporary emotional state.

It was a bright sunny but cold monday morning in april and the clocks were striking thirteen, the usual very busy lagos roads were deserted, she woke up to find out people around her had grown so tall and huge she was probably the shortest in town, she was ready to inquire what this sudden change was all about but because of the feud that existed between Diana and the only friend she had left around her, she was in a prolonged dilemma. Though things weren’t right, something was making Diana feel all the more worse. What it was, this young lady knew but it was an attitude cos she allowed it develop.

What I’m I saying was Diana the problem?, was it a magical performance by someone so mighty or had the world after all ended?

Yes, so simple it wasn’t Diana but you know what? something had eaten up this young lady, so much so that she was feeling negative and seeing things wrongly. Things were normal but she didn’t see them that way cos she had HATRED in her heart against her friend.

Hatred (or hate) is a deep and emotional extreme dislike that can be directed against individuals, entities, objects, or ideas. Hatred is often associated with feelings of anger and a disposition towards hostility.

“Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in the
world, but has not solved one yet.”
― Maya Angelou

We often use the term “hate” loosely. From our early years we proclaim to hate some things. Later on in life, teenagers profess undying hatred of the parents who refuse to allow the little desired freedom they desire. In actuality, these scenarios more accurately describe a strong aversion or dislike of the situation at hand. But true hatred has appeared all too often throughout history. Political and religious disputes have claimed the lives of millions and innocent people have been murdered for no extra reason than they were different in socially unacceptable ways. The common denominator in most acts of hatred is fear, usually fear of different types of people or ideas. This is why hatred is most often directed toward people of differing race, sexual orientation, religious background or some other criterion. People are threatened by the unknown and seek to extinguish this fear, resulting historically in massive death tolls, slavery and other injustices. Merriam-Webster defines xenophobia as “fear and hatred of strangers or foreigners or of anything that is strange and foreign.” Some psychologists assert that hatred isn’t inherent at birth. Instead, they believe this emotion is learned over time, sometimes rearing its ugly head later in life in the form of bigotry, prejudice and even hate crimes.
While hatred may not be instinctual, distrust might just be. Long before the existence of codified law, uncivilised people lived defensively and territorially.
These people didn’t take kindly to unfamiliar people on their turf. Rather than approaching with a handshake and a smile, they usually responded to possible threats with violence. Since the people who took the “kill rather than be killed” approach survived and reproduced, this attitude evolved over time into the instant classification of strangers. As such, the idea of “us vs. them” became instinctual and socially acceptable.
Much like love, hatred is often blind, making human
beings prone to believe things that simply are not true like Diana. Sadly, too many of us fall victim to this reality, resulting in feelings of animosity and prejudice with little or nothing to back it up. This blind hatred often has to do with race, religion, gender, politics or sexual orientation. As such, it has wreaked havoc on the world for centuries and will probably continue to do so for many more.
There are so many different kinds of hatred, RACISM, POLITICALLY AND RELIGOUSLY BASED HATRED, HATRED BASED ON SEXUAL ORIENTATION are just a few out of the kinds of hatreds that research has revealed. Hatred can actually be physically toxic.
A recent study published in the journal Annals of Behaviour Medicine found that a “love-hate” relationship with a friend could actually cause a person’s blood pressure to rise, at least in the short term. The study deduced that just being in the same room as a friend who tends to be critical, unreliable or unpredictable can send blood pressure up. Furthermore, many experts believe hatred causes a host of other physical problems, including reduced immunity to illness, migraine headaches and increased vulnerability to diseases like diabetes and
While it’s doubtful that anyone will ever be completely able to rid themselves of hateful thoughts and feelings, it is possible to minimise its presence in everyday life.
One Buddhist quote, when translated to English, reads:
“…This eternal wisdom is to meet hatred with non-hatred”. The method of trying to conquer hatred through hatred never succeeds in overcoming hatred. But, the method of overcoming hatred through non-hatred is eternally effective. That is why that method is described as eternal wisdom.
Many religions espouse similar sentiments, citing that the best way to combat hatred is through forgiveness and love. Psychologists from encourage people experiencing feelings of hate to identify the cause or causes of these feelings and how hatred is negatively impacting their lives. To overcome these feelings, i urge people to determine whether or not real or imagined circumstances caused the hateful feelings and figure out whether their thought process was rational or irrational at the time these feelings were developed.
Learning to “forgive and forget” is vital to overcoming hatred, as is the ability to admit that these negative emotions take serious emotional and physical tolls.
Unfortunately, until all human beings can learn to
practice tolerance and understanding, it is doubtful that hatred will ever be fully eradicated from the world.

Finally I deposit that hatred is not necessarily the direct opposite of love but a partner cos if you hate something then it means you love something which might not in all cases be the opposite of that which you hate. The bible has treated this topic extensively in different portions but of note is
Leviticus 19 vs 17
‘You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbour, and not bear sin because of him’.
The only true solution to hate is to love and if you need to chastise or address a situation do all of these in love. Shalom

sincerely nathan


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